


if I had you near, you’d make it alright

by iwantthemtostay, slitheredherefromeden



Series: redemption has stories to tell [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22945669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwantthemtostay/pseuds/iwantthemtostay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/slitheredherefromeden/pseuds/slitheredherefromeden
Summary: Sudden or gradual, death is never easy.Be that a human member of the family, or a pet.
Relationships: Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Series: redemption has stories to tell [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580119
Comments: 46
Kudos: 165





	if I had you near, you’d make it alright

**Author's Note:**

> T was gracious and let me take the lead on this story which was very cathartic for me to write. It’s bittersweet but we hope you enjoy it. And don’t worry, a happier story is soon to follow!
> 
> There may also be a slightly confusing or mysterious part of this story but that will be revealed later!

The thing is, Scott always knew Marner was a special dog.

He can remember, clear as day, looking into the kennel at the shelter where Marner was bouncing off the walls, and thinking “god, I hope not this one.” Marner was bigger than he wanted, had way more fur than he wanted, and looked as though he’d never stayed still a minute in his two years of life. But then he skirted to a less than elegant stop right in front of the chain link fence keeping him in, right up to where Becca and Mollie were clutching onto, and Marner sat down. He was panting hard, his tongue flopped out, sitting still and looking at Scott’s daughters like he wanted to roll around with them, wanted to pepper their hands and face with kisses, but was waiting for the okay.

In the short time since Sarah had been gone, his girls had rarely been happy. Smiles were hard to come by, Becca’s fingertips were more often than not left bloody from where she chewed on her nails, and Mollie dropped weight from lack of appetite. 

That day though, they looked up at him with eyes brighter than he’d seen in ages, with smiles starting on their lips and spreading out through their whole bodies. And Marner? Marner waited, sat there patiently the whole time, letting the girls pet him and hug him, only jumping up when it was clear the girls wanted to play.

There was no way Scott was leaving the shelter without that dog.

Over the years, Marner has been there for everything. He’s such an empathetic dog and, yeah, he feels weird saying that, but it’s true. Scott has never known any other animal to be so in tune with his humans’ feelings. Marner is always there for the kids, so good with all of them, is always there for Tessa, always there for him. And yeah, he’s slowed down over the years, his fur losing some color and turning whiter around the face, but Marner is still in fantastic shape.

Tessa had been worried, hell,  _ Scott _ had been worried around the time Marner turned ten, both of them fearing the end would come soon for their magnificent pup. Except the years kept passing, eleven, twelve, thirteen, and Marner showed no signs of getting ready to leave them. Eventually, the worry dripped away.

Only now, the house is just filled with him, Tess, and the dog. And Marner is nearing twenty-five (obscenely, wonderfully old for a dog, especially an Akita) and the stairs just aren’t as easy as they used to be on his legs. It takes ages for him to make his way up or down, moving one step at a time. Once, he even stopped right in the middle of them, nearly tripping Tessa ten minutes later when she was coming down. 

Then, one night, he didn’t come upstairs. Scott had gone down to check where he was only to find the dog curled up on his dog bed in the living room. Marner looked at him and Scott could tell from the sad look in his dog’s eyes that laying in the hall was no longer something the dog could do.

Scott did what any sensible pet owner would do.

He wrapped Marner up in his favorite blanket and carried him upstairs. For once, Scott didn’t hesitate about bringing the dog into bed. 

So, for a few months that was the routine. Scott or Tess would carry their less than fluffy pup upstairs to bed and carry him down every morning. Evening walks got shorter and shorter until they stopped altogether.

Marner makes it to twenty-six. Tessa is pretty sure he’s mostly blind at this point and he’s pretty deaf too. It hurts to watch Tess lean down to pet him, only to have the dog jump out of his skin in surprise. His sense of smell is still there though, and he still cuddles up against them when he finds them, licks at their faces after nosing to find them. He still has most of his teeth too but it’s sort of necessary to switch him to wet food, the scraps Tessa still feeds him always soft now.

Until he stops eating.

“Have you talked to Esme?” Tessa asks as she steps out of the shower.

Scott shakes his head and, once he spits his foamed toothpaste into the sink, says, “But Noah text today. He wants to go to the states for his Christmas break.”

Tessa’s brow drops and furrows. “So he doesn’t want to come home?!” The pitch to her voice borders on shrill. A glance in the mirror to Marner shows the dog hasn’t moved one inch at Tessa’s frustration. “Is Esme going with him? They haven’t been home to visit since we dropped them off at Laval!” Scott nods as he holds Tessa’s towel open. They’d lucked out at that Becca and Nathan stayed relatively close and that while Eva branched out a little further, she’s quick to visit. Mollie bounces all over but somehow manages a visit once a month. Their babies, however, seem to have adopted a leave the nest technique that Tessa (and if he’s honest, himself) are struggling to adjust to. “That’s three months!”

“I know, babe.” He waits for Tessa to tuck the towel under her armpits before pulling her in for a hug. “I doubt Esme will go too. Noah wants to roadtrip down the west coast. You know Esme can’t stand being in the car that long.”

Tessa sighs. “That’s a relief.” He notices her look at Marner in the mirror and her next breath is shaky. “The kids need to be here.”

They don’t like celebrating holidays without all the kids but Scott is reading this loud and clear. “I told Noah that he needs to at least spend Christmas at home.”

“Good.” Tessa’s hands press into his shoulders, eyes closing. When Scott brushes his lips against her forehead, he thinks he can see tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

The next day starts with Marner crying at being lifted off the bed. It scares them both so much that they agree to let him stay on the bed a while longer. Tessa brings his bowl up, actually puts it right next to him on the sheets to see if he’ll eat anything.

He manages one bite and that’s it.

He howls the whole way down the stairs and it tears Scott up inside, hearing his dog sound like this, but he has to get outside. Or at least off the mattress in case he pees.

Tessa disappears into the spare downstairs. Scott desperately wants to hold her but decides to give her a minute. Besides, he needs to call their kids.

He starts with Becca. “Hey, Dad!” She answers on the second ring, like always. “I just picked up my Christmas present for you and Mom!”

“You and Xavier will be here then, yeah?”

His oldest laughs, “Where else would we be?”

Scott rubs the back of his neck. “I know, I just—” There’s a loud bang from the spare. No cursing follows so he guesses that Tess is okay, especially since he hears her moving around still. “It’s really important to me and your mom that you’re here this year.”

Becca is quiet. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

Scott could probably count on one hand the number of times Becca’s called him that since she turned sixteen.

Another bang rings from down the hall and Scott rises from where he sits on the bottom step of the stairs with a soft sigh. “Marner isn’t doing too well, baby.”

He thinks he can hear Becca swallow. “I thought he’d live forever,” she whispers. “I mean, what dog lives this long without deciding to just be the best?”

Scott’s laugh is hollow as he pushes open the bedroom door to find the mattress and box spring leaning precariously against one of the walls, his wife bent over the wooden frame with a steely look in her eyes. “He is the best.”

Tessa looks up, eyebrows lifting in question as she puts the screwdriver between her teeth. He mouths Becca and she nods before pulling her hair back and continuing to dismantle the bedframe.

“Maybe Xavier and I will come in a few days earlier than we planned?” He thinks they were due in on the 24th, later than Tessa would’ve liked. “If that’s okay?”

“That’s great, Becca. I gotta help Mom but let us know what you decide.” After they send their love, Tessa yelling her own for Becca to hear, he asks gently, “Tess, what’re you doing?”

“I'm not letting him stay downstairs by himself.” The footboard falls to the floor and Tessa stands up, hands rubbing at her back. “And if he can’t climb onto one of the beds, then I’ll just lay on the floor with him.” He comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her middle, chin digging into her shoulder. Her next breath shakes.

“Am I allowed to join?” He asks in an effort to make her laugh. He fails, but Tessa does smile and kisses his cheek, so he counts it as a win anyway.

“You’re always allowed in my bed.” She leans against him heavily, her hands finding his. “I hope he makes it until the kids come home. I can’t bear the thought of them not getting to say goodbye.”

He holds Tessa tighter. He knows she’s thinking of Jonathan now, probably of his own dad’s unexpected passing three years ago too. They managed to say goodbye, their three youngest right there too, but the oldest ones hadn’t made it in time.

Death, Scott’s found, doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many times you encounter it.

“He’s lasted this long,” Scott says. “I think he’s just getting nervous about taking over the title of oldest living Akita  _ ever _ .” He wonders if Eva did actually send out that letter to the Guinness book of records proclaiming their dog be immortalized.

Tessa turns down his offer to help so he busies himself going upstairs to find some new sheets for the spare. His phone rings as he’s grabbing their pillows from their bed. Mollie’s face stares back at him. He should’ve known. “Hey Mol,” he answers, dropping down on Tessa’s side of the bed.

“What’s wrong with Marner?” It’s so noisy wherever she’s at. Last he heard, Mollie was in the Netherlands, learning some sort of music? Or maybe it was studying art? That might have been when she was in Istanbul…

Scott knows he won’t get any answers of his own until he answers her. “He’s old, Mollie. That’s all.”

Mollie says something in French. Probably not in the Netherlands anymore, Scott decides. “But… Marner is living forever. We’ve all talked about this. Marner is supposed to outlive you.”

He smiles despite himself. “So I’m allowed to die but Marner isn’t?”

Without hesitation, Mollie answers, “Yes!” A laugh bursts out of him unexpectedly and he hears Mollie’s giggle join him. “I’ll be in probably in a day or two.” He nearly tells her not to rush, that Christmas week will still be just fine, but maybe Mollie being around will be good for all of them. “How’s Mama?” 

Scott sighs softly. “She wants you all home.”

“As soon as I can,” Mollie promises. “I’ll call her tonight too.” 

In the spare, Tessa’s moved the bedframe completely out of the way, the mattress looking funny as it sits between the now too tall bedside tables. As proud as she looks of her hard work, she gives him all her weight once his arms are wrapped around her waist. “Oh,” she says, soft as her fingers rub the sheets in his hands. “He loves these ones.”

He loves his wife, will indulge her almost always but — “I don’t think Marner has bedsheet preferences, babe.”

Tessa’s shoulders raise up, growing strong against his own. “Does too. Anytime we have these on the bed he burrows in them.” She turns in his embrace. “Remember when we threw the comforter and top sheet to the ground so we’d only get the fitted sheet wet? It was the night I put my ballet slippers on for you.”

Something of a growl rumbles in his chest. “Hard to remember anything to do with the dog that night.” He pauses. “Should I be offended that you do?”

She rolls her eyes. “When we went to remake the bed, Marner had completely wrapped himself in it. I’m telling you, Scott, he loves this set.”

It’s a bit hard on the knees to put on the new sheets but it is nice to just drop onto the mattress as soon as they get their corners done. Marner wanders in before they can finish making the bed properly, nearly walking into the door before he manages to correct himself. Scott thinks he looks a little confused when his nose boops against the abandoned bedframe but he does a good job of sniffing it and accepting this is just the new reality of this room. 

“Mar-ner,” Tessa yells. Scott squints and rubs at his ear. “Mar-ner!” She slaps at the mattress. 

He doubts it’s what gets him over but Marner does walk to the mattress, the closest thing to a bark coming from his mouth in months when he discovers the soft pad beneath his paws. Scott leans forward to have Marner sniff his hand before he scratches behind the dog’s ears. “There’s our boy.”

Tessa takes the flat sheet and shakes it loose, lifting it in the air above Marner and letting it float softly down over him. He pushes his snout against the sheet that lands near his paws, turns to sniff what’s on his back. It takes him longer than it normally would, but Marner lowers onto the bed and rolls over once (and if Scott helps him complete the roll, well, that’s just between the three of them), effectively burrito-ing himself. 

His eyes close soon after and Scott doesn’t relax until he sees Marner’s chest rising and falling. Just a nap for a very old man.

Shimmying down the bed, Tessa curls up next to Marner. Scott has no choice but to curl up on the other side.

They hold hands on top of Marner’s back. Between the two of them, a tear falls with every breath their dog takes. 

Sudden or gradual, death is never easy.

—

“Are you sure you don’t mind getting your brother and sister?” 

She’s pretty certain Nathan rolls his eyes at her but she can’t be bothered to check. Not when she thinks she can get this one strand of hair to curl like it did when he was a baby. 

Nathan pulls her hand from his head, the hair unraveling from her index finger (success! The curl stays!). He gives her a squeeze. “Toronto isn’t that far, Mom.”

“You know how the roads can be this time of year.” It’s been over twenty years but that worry still sticks under her skin anytime the kids or Scott drive when snow starts falling. “If it’s too slick, just pull over. Really, we can get them on a train.” Why hadn’t she thought of that first? Driving to the train station, while still a bit nerve wracking, is much safer than driving all the way to the city. Or, she just should’ve just booked them straight to London and ignored all this stopping in Toronto for an exhibit at the ROM business.

Her phone is already halfway out of her pocket when Nathan puts a hand on her elbow. “Mom, I’m sure the trains are a madhouse. It is nearly Christmas.” 

The front door opens in a burst, not because of the wind but because of Mollie. She shakes out her hair — had she gone out without a hat?! — and pats down her coat with gloves that are caked in snow. “I cleared the car and started warming it,” she says, voice muffled behind the scarf of Scott’s that Tessa guesses she nicked when she couldn’t find her own.

“Have you been in the whole time?” Nathan wonders as he sweeps Mollie up for a hug, not caring one bit that he’ll get wet from snow in the process. “Mom, why didn’t you tell me Mollie was home?!” He sets Mollie down. “We were texting this morning.  _ You _ should’ve mentioned you were home!”

Mollie pats his cheek. “And deprive myself of that bear hug? No thank you.”

Tessa’s phone starts buzzing and when she looks down there’s a text from Scott and Becca. Her oldest has just landed but Scott’s message is a picture of Marner from the workshop out back, the dog seemingly just standing right in the middle of the backyard. She frowns, an action not going unnoticed by her kids. “Mollie, darling, before you completely unbundle, could you get Marner?”

Mollie takes off without another word and Nathan’s eyebrows knit together in worry. He’s over more than any of the other kids but he hasn’t really seen how bad Marner’s gotten, lucky enough to just see the old dog sleeping soundly whenever he’s come by. “Why does she have to get him?” Before she can answer, Nathan’s following Mollie’s wet footsteps and Tessa sighs as she goes along too.

“He’s just gotten so forgetful, baby.” She watches her son watch Mollie pick up Marner, yelling something at Scott whose head is poking out from his workshed. “And it’s hard for him to move, especially with the cold.” Marner howls and Nathan is moving before Tessa can stop him, pushing through the back door and yelling at Mollie to be careful. Nathan gets chastised by her and Scott in unison, and his cheeks color, though it’s hard to tell if it’s from being called out or from the cold. He tries to take Marner only for the dog to howl louder, leaving him to look on confused as Mollie shuffles through the snow as quick as she can. 

Tessa grabs the towel they keep by the door to dry off Marner, sets about drying his fur as soon as he’s set down, murmuring softly to him about how the kids are coming home today. He whines still, his cold and aching joints warming too fast, but his tail thumps on the floor and Tessa would swear his milky eyes light up when she starts listing off all the kids. “You’re going to get so many cuddles,” she coos, “so much love!” Nathan and Mollie huddle at the door with their hands shoved into their pockets, a tiny crease between Mollie’s eyebrows. “Maybe it’d be better if you both went to get Noah and Esme.”

Mollie nods. “I think you’d really enjoy listening to some Maori music.”

Nathan sighs but nods. “You bet.” Mollie’s face smooths out and Tessa knows that’s all she needs, but Nathan takes her elbow in his hand. “I’m sorry for yelling, and assuming you weren’t being careful.” Tessa shares her smile with Marner as her kiddos hug it out. She knows that she and Scott (and Jonathan and Sarah and Amanda) did good with their kids, but it’s always nice for the reminder.

Marner sleeps through all the kids coming home. He sleeps through dinner— pizza on paper plates on the living room floor, soda and beer filling plastic cups— and when he does wake up, he wanders to the kitchen where he relieves himself right by the island. Tessa’s surprised, partly because Marner’s been taking to peeing in the entryway, and partly because she was sure the smell of food and family would’ve lured him to them.

She cleans up his mess and tries to get him to eat some cheese she’s picked off a slice of leftover pizza. He licks the grease from her fingers but doesn’t eat anything. She frowns. He rubs himself against her leg like he knows she’s upset and, damn him if it doesn’t make her smile.

Slowly, they make their way to the living room, Tessa nudging him along the right path and protecting him from straying into a wall. He raises his head, nose sniffing loudly in the air once they reach the carpet.

And then, the most wonderful things happen.

Marner barks, soft but sure, and his tail wags faster than she’s seen it in a long time. He darts straight for Becca even though she’s the furthest from him, his whole body wiggling. With her sitting on the floor, she’s the perfect height for face kisses, and Marner takes full advantage, showering her face with licks. “Hi, Marner,” Becca laughs, her fingers sinking into the fur behind his ears. He pushes himself so hard against her that she’d have fallen backward if it wasn’t for Xavier keeping her upright. “Sorry it’s been so long.” He cuddles into her stomach but still seems too excited to lay down so he’s left crouching and bouncing around like he did when he was a pup.

Mollie and Nathan are old hat at this point today, and if it makes her tear up that Marner is well enough to remember he’s already cuddled them today, well, only Scott notices. Tessa perches on his knees and sticks her tongue out at Noah who wrinkles his nose when he catches Scott pulling her back to kiss the side of her neck. After Marner loves on Becca, he weaves between Eva and Esme. She knows Esme was getting beyond tired of the fact that Marner had taken to peeing in her room earlier this year and Tessa holds Scott’s hand tighter when their daughter just runs her hands over the length of Marner’s body, taking care to massage his hips while Eva peppers his face with kisses. 

“Remember when Eva was three,” Scott starts, voice low enough that only she can hear him, “and she used to lick Marner back?”

Somehow, Eva hears and is quick to quip, “I still would if you guys didn’t groan so loud after. Yes, yes I would because you are just that lovely, Marnie.”

Nathan nudges Scott’s ribs. “Remember when she only used to bark at him?”

“It’s called being respectful of his first language, Nathaniel.”

“That’s not my name,” her boy sighs with a grit in his voice that means he’s willing to go to bat with Eva if she keeps pushing.

From her spot on the old overstuffed chair they’ve had since they moved in, her beautiful Mollie kicks her legs up over the armrest and offers up, “And people used to say  _ I  _ was the weird one,” with a quirk to her lips and before Eva can get anymore of a rise out of Nathan, everyone shifts their attention to Mollie.

(Except Eva and Esme who are still giving Marner the rub down of his life.)

“You still are the weird one, Mol,” Noah says. He stretches out on the carpet so he can scratch at Marner’s belly, the old dog curving towards him, snout to nose until Marner decides to lick a stripe up the middle of Noah’s face. Noah grimaces and rubs his face into the shoulder of his shirt. “None of us know what you do.”

Mollie gasps, all for show. “Baby brother, I’m offended. You should know by now what I do for a living.”

Esme barks out a laugh that even Marner seems to hear judging on the way his legs flinch. “Not even Mom and Dad know what you do.”

She’s right, but god forbid she or Scott ever admit that. It makes them sound like the worst sort of parents when Mollie really just does quite a lot of different things. Besides, even though she comes home a lot and checks in more than any of their kids, she has a habit of not telling them what she’s been up to until after she’s done with the job.

“She just came back from Nantes,” Scott says matter of factly. She shifts in his lap to catch his proud smile and watches it shrink with a laugh she tries to stifle when Noah asks what Mollie was doing before that. Her husband pokes her under the ribs. “Well I don’t hear you answering, Tess.”

Mollie isn’t bothered though, if anything looks beyond pleased by the exchange. “My childhood fantasy of being the mysterious aunt is slowly coming to fruition.”

Xavier makes a face from beside Becca, a weird sort of sound emanating from his throat, and Becca frowns as she sits on her hands. A seed of worry plants itself in Tessa’s gut. There hasn’t been any talk of babies, at least not between her and Becca. She wonders if it’s been a source of contention between the still relatively new newlyweds. Scott is already looking up at her and she can see that he’s noticed their oldest too, can see her own questions reflected in his eyes as Nathan says, “None of us have kids yet.”

Mollie snaps her fingers towards Becca and Nathan. “Get to it then!” As soon as the words leave her mouth, she turns to the Virtue-Moir children gathered around Marner. “Except you guys. None of you guys should have babies yet.”

“I’m a full blown adult,” Eva points out. 

Noah snorts but Mollie simply answers, “No.” Eva rolls her eyes at her sister but flicks her brother’s nose.

Part of her wants to pull Becca to the side right this minute and Tessa knows that Scott wants to do the same based on how quick his fingers drum in her legs. But then Xavier takes Becca’s hand in his. They don’t say anything, not that Tessa thinks she’d be able to hear over how loudly all the other kids are listing out the qualities one must possess to be considered a ‘real’ adult. Like so many conversations Tessa herself has shared with Scott, Becca and her husband communicate silently, with the tiniest of expressions and tilts of their heads. In the end, Becca smiles, Xavier palms her cheek, and then kiss, brief and chaste, before they both join in on the conversation.

In unison, she and Scott relax.

Much later, after they watch  _ The Grinch _ and go over all their Christmas Eve plans for the next day, Scott squeezes her hip. “I think it’s bedtime for us.” She could’ve honestly gone to bed an hour ago but it’s been nice to sit and listen to their children bicker and laugh and talk and love. And seeing Marner so happy has been the best Christmas gift she hadn’t expected. Scott must sense her hesitancy because he nuzzles her neck, pressing a kiss against her skin before murmuring, “We get this for a whole week, my love. We deserve some sleep too.”

They give each of their children a kiss and Scott rouses Marner whose been snoring in front of the Christmas tree. “All the rooms upstairs are free and made up, even ours,” she says as she runs her fingers through Esme’s thick curls. Her youngest leans into her touch, head coming to rest against Tessa’s stomach. 

“Why would we sleep in your room?” Eva asks.

“It’s easier for Marner to avoid the stairs.” All the kids, save Mollie, look at her confused.

Scott sighs. “You really think we’d let Marner sleep by himself?” 

As they guide Marner down the hall, they hear Becca softly say, “He didn’t seem  _ that _ bad,” and more murmurs follow. She wonders if Mollie and Nathan will tell her about this afternoon. Part of her hopes they don’t.

“You think he just missed the kids?” Tessa asks as she shucks off her leggings. “That he just needed them to visit?” 

His hands catch the hem of her shirt before her own. The wrinkles between his eyebrows are a little deeper. “Baby, you know that’s not it.” He says it so sadly that she almost starts crying. “I wish it were but look at him.” Marner is already on the mattress and she’d been fooled earlier. He had looked so full of life but in the quiet and dim light of their room, she can take a true stock of their too gray, too thin, too haggard dog, who whines a little with each breath.

She nods. She lets Scott strip her then takes his clothes off herself. “He seemed like himself again.”

“He did.” He holds her close to his chest and they stand staring at Marner who has curled up in his spot at the foot of the mattress for a long time. “Is it weird to have sex next to him?”

“I don’t know that my knees can handle having sex on the floor tonight,” Tessa answers, regretful, even as she laughs.

Scott hugs her tighter as he groans. “Fuck, you’re telling me. We’re getting old, T.”

It still seems weird though, like having sex with one of their kids so close. “How do we feel about against the wall?” Tessa asks just as Scott says, “I could bend you over the dresser.”

She’s glad that they won’t go over to her mom’s until noon tomorrow when they finally collapse down on the mattress. Scott’s out as soon as he gets under the covers but Tessa makes sure to readjust the sheet around Marner. The old dog stretches out, one eye opening just a little as she scratches his neck. She could swear he smiles. “Goodnight, Marner.” She kisses his head then slips under Scott’s arm.

—

Marner doesn’t get up in the morning which is weird. Becca’s never known him to be like that but everyone else seems to know this is his new normal so she just eats what she can stomach at breakfast and doesn’t think about how it doesn’t feel right that her dog isn’t at her feet.

Mom sits bleary-eyed at the island with Dad who looks almost as tired, the two sharing the last of the pot of coffee while Nathan goes about making another. “I think we need to invest in another coffee maker for when we’re all home,” Becca says. Noah and Esme sound their agreement from the other end of the table, their own mugs long ago drained, and Becca’s lips quirk into a smile at her youngest brother and sister. 

Eva has her head down on the table and murmurs, “We should’ve made Mollie get coffee on her run.”

The coffee maker kicks on and it’s like the whole kitchen lets out a sigh of relief. “You know she can’t stand the smell of it.”

“Lord only knows how she managed that growing up in this house,” Dad says. He lets Mom finish the rest of their mug but she still doesn’t look any more awake.

Becca stands and stretches through a yawn. There’s a few pancakes left over on the counter and it’ll be a minute before the kettle heats up for her tea so she takes one and leaves a kiss on Dad’s cheek as she slips out into the hall. Mollie bounds down the stairs. Becca sticks up the pancake, a reflex she wonders if she’ll ever unlearn, and Mollie leans over the railing to take a bite. “Thanks,” she says around the food in her mouth and heads straight for the kitchen.

The guest room looks as if her parents just moved in or are in the process of moving out, the furniture so sparse and the mattress sitting on the floor, the frame and box spring nowhere to be found. The bedside tables are out of place too, shoved to one side of the room. It’s probably better that way, Becca thinks. It would look comical to still have them flanking the bed.

Marner is curled under a sheet at the foot of the bed and she eases herself down next to him. “I brought you your favorite,” she says, soft and light. She waits for him to open his eyes but he doesn’t. Becca sighs. She brings the pancake up to his nose and he doesn’t move. It had taken Dad a few good shakes to get Marner up last night.

As soon as Becca puts her hand on his head, she knows something isn’t right.

It’s not that he feels stiff, he just feels  _ different _ . He’s still warm, his fur still soft beneath her palm. Becca looks down at his chest, willing to see the sheet covering him rise and fall. She stares and doesn’t blink and waits and waits and waits.

“Oh.” 

Death isn’t new to Becca. It’s not new to this family. And this death shouldn’t be surprising if Becca looks at it logically. Marner is a dog who managed to live well beyond his expected age. She should’ve been prepared for this.

But she’s not. 

Her voice trembles and cracks as she cries out his name. “You were supposed to wait.” She knows her dog and she knows, deep within her heart, that he cuddled her so fiercely yesterday because he could sense the change inside her. “I wanted you to meet them, buddy. You were supposed to wait to meet them.” She runs the back of her hand underneath her nose, wipes at her wet cheeks. “I just wanted until then. Then you could go, Marner. You weren’t supposed to go before then.” It’s a selfish request, she knows that, but it burns inside her all the same. 

Marner gave nearly his whole life to her, the best dog even when she left for school and work and barely made it back home outside of holidays. And he stuck around for all her brothers and sisters, saw each one of them grow and leave the nest too, only to keep sticking around for Dad and Mom when the house could’ve gotten too lonely for them.

Becca knows they got more life and love out of Marner than almost anyone could hope for and yet she still aches for more time. Just a little more would’ve been enough, she tries to reason with herself even though, deep down, she knows it wouldn’t have been.

There’s never enough time with those you love.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there, stroking Marner’s fur before Dad finds her and stares at them for a long moment before he calls for Mom.

The ground is frozen. If you ask her it seems a little morbid, or maybe just inconsiderate, to just put Marner out in Dad’s workshed until he and Nathan can dig a hole out under the tree that holds up the treehouse. Nathan’s apparently got something that’ll break up the soil on his farm but he hasn’t stopped crying yet and Becca doesn’t think he’s likely to stop soon. They’re all crying still, an hour later, elbow to elbow inside the workshed. Xavier stayed in the house and she loves her husband for knowing this moment didn’t call for his presence.

Mom’s crouched down beside the coffin Dad built for this exact moment, tucking the sheet around Marner before laying his blanket on top of him. Esme looks like she’s about to drop down on the other side, swaying in her spot against Mollie’s arm. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him so much,” she cries. “When he would go into my room… I was so stupid.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” Dad and Mom call at the same time despite their tears.

Mollie glares a little at their parents as she shifts to wrap an arm right around Esme and Nathan moves to hug them both. Their parents mean well but Becca has to side with Mollie; sometimes the quick, in unison retorts can be too much.

Mom won’t stop looking at Marner and Dad won't stop looking at Mom. He is —  _ was _ just a dog but Becca can’t help but think that this isn’t fair no matter how ridiculous it is to think so. 

Despite being a good head taller than her, Eva curls into Becca’s side, tucking her head into Becca’s neck like she’s done ever since she was a baby. She lets her head rest on top of Eva’s as Noah’s cold fingers slip against hers. With a deep breath, Becca grows a little stronger, a little taller, and holds onto her brother’s hand tight. She’s glad it was her that found Marner. She loves her siblings too much for them to have that moment seared into their memories, even if she thinks Nathan would’ve been able to handle it. And, though she’s sure her parents feel guilty that they weren’t there for him the moment Marner passed, Becca’s glad they didn’t find him either. Her parents have done this enough for one lifetime.

Dad clears his throat but his words still come out strained. “Does anyone want to say anything?” 

“He was the very best,” Noah murmurs and all of their heads bob along in agreement. “He would always eat my green beans.”

Something like a laugh comes from Mom. “I knew you never ate them.” She wipes at her eyes, sleeve pulled over her fist. “But I never could catch you sneaking them to him.”

“Even when he started to slow down, he was the best running partner,” Esme adds next. “He made the cold winter runs worth it… pushed me when I needed it but gave me breaks too.” Becca had nearly forgotten that after he was Mollie’s running buddy, he was Esme’s. 

“He ran better with you. I think I went too slow for him,” Mollie laughs. 

Nathan steps towards Mom, taking her hand in his when he kneels down next to her. “Remember when he was the one who told us about Noah?”

“Oh my god,” Becca moans, “I forgot about that!” Noah looks between her and Nathan, confused. Esme doesn’t seem to have heard the story either since she’s just staring at Mollie while she laughs. “Marner almost never got into the garbage—“

“We got cans with lids after this,” Dad adds.

“But one morning he trots into the kitchen with this stick in his mouth. Mom was in the shower and Dad, you were at work?” Her eyebrows ruffle together as she thinks back. “No, you must’ve been home because you came in later.”

Mom clears her throat. “He was with me in the shower.” Becca thinks they’re all very happy their parents have such a healthy sex life but still, all their noses wrinkle, save for Mollie, who will forever be the weirdo. “We just found out we were having a baby! You guys will understand if and when it happens for you.”

“Anyway,” Becca continues loudly, not at all wanting to think about just how right Mom is, “We’re sitting around the table and Eva immediately grabs at it to play tug-of-war except Marner let go in the middle of tugging and the test landed right on to table.”

“It almost ruined my cereal,” Mollie adds.

“And Nathan and Eva had no idea what it was… Mollie, you did though, eh?”

“Even if I didn’t, I knew what the word pregnant was.”

“But, being the oldest, I had to explain that it was a pregnancy test.” Becca squeezes Noah’s hand. “There was definitely a lot of just staring at it though. I almost didn’t say anything because I didn’t want Mom or Dad getting mad, but Eva wouldn’t shut up about it.” Now that she’s older, Becca almost feels guilty that she didn’t let their parents tell them once it was safe. Had something happened… She gives her head a little shake and holds onto Noah tighter.

“It all worked out,” Mom says, a small smile on her face. “God, where would we be without this dog of ours?”

Dad catches Becca’s eye, then Mollie’s, and they both cross the short distance to wrap themselves in his embrace. She knows they’re all thinking the same thing, how Marner saved them the moment they set eyes on him. Becca doesn’t want to think about what it would’ve been like that first year after losing Mommy without Marner.

Kisses pressed to both of their heads, Dad leaves them to gather everyone else in his arms one by one, until he takes Nathan’s place at Mom’s side. His hand pushes her hair back from her face as he crouches down beside her, puts his hand on the wrist of the hand that still strokes Marner. “Come on, Tess. Let’s go get warm.”

Becca can tell that Mom doesn’t want to leave, not yet, and, truth me told, Becca is inclined to stay out here too. Marner never left them but she thinks that if Marner were still here, he’d want to curl up inside too. 

There’s only one thing that’ll get Mom inside.

The ground is beyond cold as Becca sits down on the other side of Marner’s casket. She has no idea how Mom’s been managing to sit here for so long. Becca gently puts her hand on top of her mom’s. “Mama?” She’s maybe called Tessa that five times her entire life and it does the job of immediately lifting her mom’s gaze. She’s nervous, Becca can tell, but Mom does her best to cover it up. “I want to give you your Christmas present. Let’s go get it, please.”

Mom reaches across to stroke Becca’s cheek. “That’s okay, sweet girl. I can wait.”

Becca shakes her head. “No, Mama, it can’t.” Mom sighs, clearly at war with herself over what to do judging by the way she looks longingly at all of them but keeps her hand curled in Marner’s fur. Becca doesn’t want her to be guilty, for not going or for not staying, so she presses a kiss into her mom’s palm before taking a deep breath. “Mama, I’m pregnant.”

Surely her siblings must react. Becca thinks she hears a gasp or a squeal coming from one or more of them but all she cares about right now is their mother’s reaction, their dad’s. She keeps her eyes on them, eager to seek out any expression, no matter how miniscule. Her mom’s eyes widen, a full, genuine smile stretching her face for the first time since Dad brought her into the spare room earlier. “Oh,” Mom sighs then licks her lips before trapping her top lip between her teeth in what seems like an effort to stop from grinning even bigger. Mom spares a glance at Dad so Becca looks too, finding his cheeks already wet with a fresh coat of tears and a look in his eyes that reminds her of when she graduated med school. “Really, Becca?” 

At her nod, both Mom and Dad lurch across the coffin, hugging her so fiercely that it knocks the air out of her. They hold on to her for so long that it takes Mollie calling, “For goodness sake, at least stand up so her stomach isn’t pressing into the wood,” before they let her go. 

They still hold on, each parent palming one of her cheeks, their own heads resting against one another’s. “I have a whole thing for you to open.” Becca gives a little shrug.

“Oh, how lovely,” Mom says, her lips still wobbling. She strokes Becca’s hair, the same soft touch that has become so familiar over the years. 

Dad pulls Mom in impossibly closer to his side. “How about we go in and see it now? Would that be okay with you, Becca?” As much as he's trying to temper his excitement it's still obvious to see, his body practically buzzing and his hand fisting Mom’s shirt.

Becca nods, stepping back from their embrace. 

After they each press a hand to Marner one last time, Becca's younger brothers and sisters all giving her a hug too, Dad carefully lifts the lid of the coffin from where it rests to the side then sets it on top of the coffin. She can tell Noah is itching to ask him if he needs help, but Nathan holds him back with a soft hand on his shoulder. Becca nods at him and then looks towards Mollie. They all know there are some parts of grieving they and their parents have had to do by themselves. 

It's a quiet walk back indoors, even with Mollie at her side. Before they get to the steps, Mollie takes Becca’s hand in hers and brings it to her lips. “With every loss there is a gain…” Mollie murmurs. Grandma told them that years ago, probably right after they got Marner, right before they met Mom and Nathan. It was hard to grasp as a kid but, now, it makes all the sense in the world. She’s said it a lot over the years too and it’s something Becca has kept close in her heart as she works. Becca swallows hard and smiles at her sister. “I’m glad you brought us our gain so soon.”

“Me too.” 

Xavier is at the sink washing dishes when they all clamour inside. Her siblings are not ones for subtlety, and before Becca gets a chance to even share a look with her husband, he’s being congratulated for, as Eva so brightly says, “Knocking up our sister.”

Becca weaves through the crowd that is her family, an apologetic smile already painted on her face. She wraps her hands around Xavier’s waist, her stomach getting wet from where his own shirt’s been splashed from the dishes. “Sorry.” She kisses the corner of his lips then whispers, “We needed a happy to get back inside.”

His hands spread out along her shoulder blades, careful not to accidentally tug at her hair. Like always, Becca feels safe and secure and so very loved, pressed close against Xavier. “Perfectly fine, love,” he says, kissing her head when she drops her ear down to his chest.

“I want my present, Rebecca Jane,” Dad calls from down the hall. Becca hadn’t realized they all kept walking while she stole away with Xavier.

“You still don’t think we should’ve done the grandma and grandpa shirts?”

She’s not too sure what Dad wants to be called but Becca knows that grandma wouldn’t be what Mom wants. “I know my parents can be the most wonderful dorks, but I don’t think they’d ever actually wear those shirts.” Well, Dad might. “Trust me, they’ll love the pun more.” Even as she boxed up the little bun ornament, she couldn’t help but laugh at how much her whole family would get a kick out of it. She doesn’t even think the fact that they know about the baby already will lessen their mirth.

With one last glance out the window, Becca takes a deep breath, then leads her husband to the rest of her family.

—

Scott always knew that Marner was a special dog and he’s not sure he’s ever been more sure of that than he is today, the last day their dog ever spent with them.

Marner waited for all his kids to come home and gave each and every one of them the rest of his love and energy. He laid with him and Tess, never leaving their sides like he’s done ever since he became theirs. And then, with his favorite sheet around him and the sound of his family nearby, he finally got some well deserved rest. It can’t have been easy, Scott thinks, being the best dog in the world for 27 years.

Tessa stands at the window, rubbing lotion into her arms, paying special attention to her elbows. He doesn’t know how she feels, but he’s glad that the kids are still up talking. He’s not sure he’s ready for the silence just yet. “I don’t want to get another dog,” Tessa sighs. “I know you’re not supposed to make sweeping statements like that so soon after loss, but I mean it.” She turns over her shoulder. “I don’t want to always compare another dog to Marner. And there’s never going to be another Marner.”

Scott nods and finishes turning down the bed before going to stand behind his wife, his arm slipping around her waist. “Maybe we can get a cat.” Tessa starts massaging some of the excess lotion on her hands into his. “When we’re ready.”

“It’ll have to be good with babies.” There’s still so much wonder in her voice. Scott himself can’t help but press a grin into the crook of her neck. “We’re gonna be grandparents!” Turning in his embrace, Tessa wiggles a little, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Can you believe it?”

Scott laughs. “I can and I can’t,” he admits. “You ready to become Nonee?”

Even with the sadness in Tessa’s eyes, she lights up, a genuine smile on her lips. It reminds Scott so much of how she looked when they first met, when he first fell in love with her. “Hell yes,” she affirms. “What about you, Papa?”

He feels warm just hearing her say it. “Definitely.” 

They part to climb into bed but find each other again as soon as the covers are pulled up. The bed feels big without Marner. “You think,” Tessa starts, hand sliding under the hem of his shirt to draw on his skin with her nails, “he waited for us to be grandparents?”

Scott knows it’s crazy but. He kisses the top of her head. “I think that’s exactly what he did.”

Tessa sighs softly. “What a good boy we had.”

He combs Tessa’s hair with his fingers. “You know, I think if Eva hasn’t, we really should get him in the world record book.”

Tessa laughs much louder than he was expecting and it makes him laugh too. “It’s the least we can do for him.”

He’s done so much for them. 


End file.
